


by the skin of our teeth

by sunlightCatcher



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Divergent, Earth C (Homestuck), Gen, Meta Bullshit, candy epilogue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23786344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunlightCatcher/pseuds/sunlightCatcher
Summary: Jane Crocker has been having the strangest dreams. She is tormented by a scornful body double and a ticking clock.In other words, this is a pretentious meta fic in which Jane isn’t evil, but a character who may or may not be Jane is. Hussie fucked up and I am going to beat canon to death with this sick crowbar I found. You’re welcome to join me.
Relationships: Jane Crocker & Jane Crocker, Jane Crocker & Roxy Lalonde
Comments: 5
Kudos: 9





	by the skin of our teeth

A living room in London, England. A small window overlooks Elizabeth Tower, which is currently being repaired. It is unpleasant to look at. Jane Crocker stands in the centre of the room. Another woman stands behind her and to her right.

  
JANE: Such a shame to come all the way here only for the tower to be in such a state. Oh well.   
?????: It wouldn’t very well be the English experience without such a disappointment.   
JANE: I suppose,   
JANE: Wait.   
?????: I can’t bear to wait, Janey. Life stops for no woman. We know that better than most.   
?????: You’ll understand one day why all this was done. Why it was essential.   
JANE: Why what was done? 

Jane has a sudden feeling of impending doom.

  
JANE: Am I going to die?   
?????: ...  
?????: Yes.   
?????: Very soon.   
JANE: Who are you?   
?????: You can call me,   
BETTY: Betty. 

Jane Crocker’s bedroom, Earth C. Jane awakens from her nightmare, gasping for breath. She claws at her chest and stomach, as if trying to rip some metaphysical poison out of her.

  
In the next room, Roxy and Callie are sleeping soundly, their dreams undisturbed. 

  
Jane’s breaths gradually become more regular. She isn’t out of the woods yet, but she might just be able to Facts and Logic her way back to regular human functioning if she tries hard enough.

  
JANE: ...Just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was...   
JANE: I’m fine. This is fine. It was just a dream, and it says nothing about my present situation or subconscious feelings.   
JANE: Rose might find it funny, even. She would pull out the Freudian texts and write a satirical paper on it.   
JANE: Hoo hoo. That would be pretty funny. 

The door creaks as it opens. Roxy Lalonde stands in the soft light of the doorway. She appears almost as a silhouette.

  
ROXY: i heard u talkin in ur sleep   
ROXY: u wanna talk about it 

Jane deliberates for a moment.

  
JANE: I think I need to.   
ROXY: can i come in   
JANE: Always. 

Roxy tiptoes across the bedroom, presumably so as not to wake Callie. Callie, unlike Roxy, has always been a heavy sleeper. Roxy sits on the end of Jane’s bed, crossing her legs.

  
JANE: I had the most unsettling dream.   
ROXY: go on   
JANE: I was in England. I could see the Elizabeth Tower being repaired.   
JANE: Elizabeth. Betty.   
ROXY: ...   
JANE: I could smell something sweet, like candy. And there was another woman in the room with me.   
JANE: She told me that life waits for no woman. I asked her if I was going to die.  
ROXY: whatd she say   
JANE: Exactly what you think.   
JANE: I asked her who she was and she told me to call her Betty.   
ROXY: hmm   
ROXY: yknow jane i think it is distinctly possible that being raised by fasho betty crocker kinda fucked u up and left u with unresolved issues   
JANE: You don’t say.   
ROXY: ...   
ROXY: is this the first time uve had a dream like this   
JANE: Yes.   
ROXY: thats good   
JANE: I think I’m okay.   
JANE: Thankyou, Roxy.   
ROXY: dont mention it   
ROXY: u gonna go back to sleep?   
ROXY: cuz it is the witching hour up in here

Jane exhales slowly, pushing every last molecule of air out of her lungs.

  
JANE: I suppose so. 

Roxy tiptoes back to her own room. Jane closes her eyes. Immediately, she returns to the scene of her dream.

  
BETTY: Welcome back, Jane.   
JANE: Shucks buster.   
BETTY: This is your problem, dear. You can’t even have a civil conversation with me. Sit down. 

Not of her own volition, Jane takes a seat on one of the many chairs strewn about the room. The clock on the wall begins to to tick loudly, counting out an overwhelming rhythm. Time seems to wrinkle. Jane looks into Betty’s eyes. They’re red. 

TICK

What Jane did not tell Roxy, what Jane could not bring herself to tell Roxy, is that Betty looks just like her.

BETTY: We have important business to discuss. Namely, how you plan to continue the Crocker legacy. 

TOCK

  
JANE: I don’t want to be the heiress anymore. There is nothing left to inherit, and the whole empire turned out to be unbelievably shitty anyway!  
JANE: I want to wake up. Make me wake up. 

TICK

  
BETTY: I’m afraid I can’t do that.   
BETTY: Well, I can. But it would be counterproductive. The point is, you’re going to inherit the Crocker legacy. That’s canon. Not a thing you can do about it. 

TOCK

  
JANE: I won’t.   
BETTY: Oh, but you shall. 

Jane rises from the chair, knocking it over. In her right hand, a 2x3dent appears, summoned from her consciousness. She impales Betty threefold.

  
JANE: Fuck you!!!!   
JANE: You don’t get to decide what I do! Canon is stupid!   
JANE: I’m going to live happily with my friends in the universe we made and there’s nothing you can do about it! 

  
TICK

  
TOCK

  
TICK

  
TOCK

  
TICK

  
TOCK

**Author's Note:**

> my worst fear upon posting this is that it is the thing that everyone hates it and is mean to me
> 
> my second worst fear is that everyone will immediately realise that this was partly inspired by dark betty from riverdale, a fear which is now guaranteed to come true because i am telling you exactly that right now


End file.
